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Is this my fault?

I've Got Questions - Resources & Tips

Often parents are concerned that the child’s problem is their fault.   Blame, guilt and fault finding is not a useful practice.  All parents have the best intentions and want their child to grow and function in a healthy manner.  All of us parents constantly learn and think back on raising our children.  Could we have done something different?  Of course we could have!

However, every day we make choices.  They are rarely ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but more often a judgment call.   Did our choice work for the child and parent or did it not quite work as well as desired.  We learn, we make mistakes and make different choices the next time.   All this is normal.

Sometimes, as parents, it is easy to get stuck in a pattern that doesn’t work as well as desired.  This is when all of us talk with friends or family, read or listen to others, and sometimes seek professional help.  Parenting can be complicated and it is always acceptable to seek support.

Remember that both parents and children bring a number of factors into every situation.   Our own experience being parented, our roles models and the lessons we learned impact our interaction with our children.  A child’s lively temperament, their inherited characteristics or traits – all of these make parenting more interesting, but sometimes more challenging! 

Rather than get into fault, guilt or blame - consider instead the adventure of constant learning.   Take on parenting with an attitude of acceptance of yourself.  You are a human who comes with your own unique self.  You will do your best to help your child grow to be their best self.  Parenting is not about perfection.  Parenting is finding the best fit between ourselves and our unique child.  Learn to grow with them.  They too learn best from experience, both what works well and what works less well. That is a lesson they can take forward later in life.